


Insincerely Us

by awkwardanxiousasexual



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Songfic, Time Skips, sincerely me is a kleinsen song prove me wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27361123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardanxiousasexual/pseuds/awkwardanxiousasexual
Summary: Evan and Jared spends high school lying to themselves, the world, and most importantly, each other.orA look into two kids writing emails about a fake friendship that they desperately want to have with each other (but also it's kinda gay)
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Kudos: 17





	Insincerely Us

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea that's been bouncing around in my head for a bit, hope you enjoy.

_Dear Evan Hansen,  
We’ve been way too out of touch. Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don’t talk that much._

Jared hadn’t talked to Evan all summer. He tries not to worry about that too much. Firstly, he had been at camp most of the time so it had made sense. But he had been back for over a month and there was still nothing. 

Usually Evan would text him at least once during the break. He shouldn’t have assumed that it would continue. Things had been weird junior year (mostly Jared fault).

Jared supposes he could always text Evan. But that would be desperate. He has other friends. Sure, his camp friends don’t really talk to him once school starts but they’re busy with school work. At least, that’s what he tells himself. 

_~But I should tell you that I think of you each night.~_

He wants to call Evan so bad. Jared didn’t realize how much he had missed him over the summer. Maybe he should text him about the internship. Surely, Evan has hundreds of tree stories that don’t involve breaking his arm. 

Shaking his head, he clicks off his phone. Evan doesn’t need that. He would end up saying something awful, like the ass he is, and then Evan would be upset. If Evan was upset then Jared was going to be upset. It was actually better off this way.

_~I’ve gotta tell you, life without you has been hard.~_

It only takes Evan a few days after claiming that they don’t need anymore help with the Connor Project to realize that he needs Jared. Jared was the one who was good at everything. Good at the lying, good at keeping up with the blog, good at managing Evan whenever he got too anxious. Sure, he was an ass most of the time but that didn’t mean he wasn’t useful. He never calls him though. Jared’s probably grateful to not have the responsibility anymore. 

_~And I miss talking about life and other stuff.~_

“Yo Hansen, need a ride?”

Evan looked up to see Jared’s car pull up to the sidewalk. “Oh, um no? I mean my mom was supposed to pick me up but she had to pick up a shift at the hospital and I was supposed to take the bus but there were a lot of people and it was crowded and I wasn’t sure if-”

“I don’t care,” Jared interrupts, which Evan thinks might be for the best. “You got nervous and bailed. Now you’re walking. Either get in or don’t.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds before Evan finally climbs in the passenger seat. Jared doesn’t say anything, just turns his music back on and heads towards Evan’s house. Even with the music, Evan can’t stand the silence. He makes it about 10 seconds before blurting out, “What song is this?”

Jared sighs. “It’s from a musical.” He taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “Falsettos.”

“Oh yeah?” Evan asks, because he was never good at not talking, even though Jared probably just wants to listen to the song in peace, “What’s it about?”

He glances over, flicking on the turn signal. Before Evan has time to rush out an apology, ~~‘I’m sorry, you don't have to answer that. I can be quiet, I promise’~~ , Jared tentatively launches into a summary. 

By the time they get to his house, Evan is sure that this summary consists more of Jared’s opinions of the show rather than the plot. After mumbling out his thanks for the ride, he gets out of the car and walls towards his front door. As he watches Jared pull out of the driveway, he tries to remember the last time Jared talked to him like that. Like they were actually friends.

It worries him a little when he realizes that he can’t.

_~ ~~I like my parents.~~ I love my parents but each day’s another fight.~_

“What!? What do you know about me? You don’t know anything about me! You never even see me.” It’s not fair and Evan knows it but he’s too angry to care right now.

“Hey! I am trying my best-”

“They like me. I know how hard that is to believe that they don’t think that I’m, like, that there’s something wrong with me. That I need to be fixed like you do!

“Okay, wait-” Heidi steps closer to him, hands held out in a calming gesture. 

“No, no,no I have to go to therapy. I have to take drugs.”

“I'm your mother, it's my job to take care of you.”

“Yeah I know, I’m such a burden. I’m the worst thing that ever happened to you, I ruined your life!”

“You!” she shouts, voice breaking a little bit, “Are the only...the one good thing that’s ever happened to me Evan! Sorry I can’t give you anything more than that, shit.”

He turns towards the front door and starts walking. “Well, it’s not my fault other people can.” 

_~I’ll take your advice. I’ll try to be more nice. I’ll turn it around. Wait and see.~_

Jared sees Evan in the hallway and walks up to meet him, “Hey, so my parents are out of town this weekend and the last time they used the liquor cabinet was like, Rosh Hashanah 1997, so we can drink whatever we want.” 

Barely even taking the time to glance over at him, Evan replies, “Yeah no, I can’t this weekend. I have 17,000 dollars to raise, remember? The Connor Project? You’re supposed to be working on this.”

Jared can barely believe he said no. Evan never says no. Not to anybody. It’s the personality trait that got him into this mess in the first place. But more importantly, Evan has never said no to Jared. He always hangs out when Jared asks, always. “Uhhh, you told me you didn’t need my help.” 

He only says it because it’s true. And because he doesn’t give a crap anymore. Sure, he’s an ass but Jared always tries to come through. He’s lied for Evan. Programmed websites for him. Now, Evan has rejected him twice. It sucks and Jared feels guilt and disappointment all at once. 

The conversation ends with Zoe giving Evan a kiss on the cheek as Jared storms off which is just the cherry on top.

_~Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention. It’s easy to change if you give it your attention. All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be.~_

Evan is sitting on the floor of his room with tears streaming down his face, desperately trying to control his breathing. He’s not a good person. It was easier to pretend that he was but good people don’t lie this much. They don’t lie to a family whose son died. Jared was right. But that isn’t why he’s upset. 

He’s upset because he didn’t care. Evan looked those people in the eye and lied to them and the longer went on the more he forgot he was even doing it. He let it happen because he was getting home cooked meals and talking with Larry about things that a son and dad talk about. Not to mention all the lies he told Zoe. 

_~Dear Evan Hansen,  
Thanks for every note you send.~_

It’s midnight and Jared is laying on his bed refreshing the Connor Project page under the guise of keeping it up and running. The website is fine. Jared would know, he designed the freaking thing, and if there’s one thing he’s good at it’s computers. It’s a hell of a lot easier to pretend that he’s online with a legit purpose then it is to admit to himself why he’s really up so late. Because he knows Evan stays up late when he’s too anxious to go to sleep. He also knows that if Evan is awake, he might post something on the blog. And he just wants to be the first to read it. 

_~I’m just glad to be your friend.~_

Jared stumbles down the stairs and catches himself against the wall. Laughing a little, even though nothing is funny, he takes another drink straight from the bottle. He abandoned the idea of using a glass about an hour ago. Just because Evan isn’t here doesn’t mean he can't have fun. He doesn’t need Evan. Drinking alone is just as fun as drinking with friends. 

And just because Evan turned down the invite, doesn’t mean that Jared has no other friends. It just means everyone else was busy. Not that Jared asked anyone else but whatever. 

He takes another drink.

_~Our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond.~_

They’ve known each other since they were six. Everyday after school they would hang out. Friends no matter what, until the end. Because that’s what being family friends meant. That you stick by each other, always. Even if you don’t want to all the time because a family is supposed to be there for each other. Jared kept that promise, he was there when Evan’s dad left. Evan used to be there for him. 

Somewhere along the way they both broke that promise. 

_~But not because we’re gay. No, not because we’re gay. We’re close, but not that way.~_

Jared could feel his hands shaking as he typed per Evan’s request. They gay thing had been a joke. Jared always joked about that shit to distract himself from the fact that it wasn’t really a joke at all. But he hadn’t imagined that Evan would be so against it. He had been so adamant. 

Jared swallows thickly as he pulls up the next email and tries to forget about the fact that Evan would probably hate him if he ever found out. 

_~Miss you dearly~_

Fuck, Evan Hansen. Telling him that he didn’t need Jared’s help and then running back the second things got hard? No, fuck that. Evan’s been using him. Jared has been trying to be friends again these past few months, can’t he see that? Clearly he doesn’t care. 

He pulls his phone out, dialing Evan’s number. It goes to voicemail, which a less-hurt Jared could have predicted. He takes a breath, getting ready to yell, to give Evan a piece of his mind. 

As he opens his mouth, he loses his courage, “I’m sorry,” he hates how his voice cracks, “Just call me back, alright?” 

_~Sincerely me~_

“What do you think he’s going to do with it?” Evan’s words come out so fast that they tumble over each other but Jared is well-versed in his anxious rambling. 

“He’s going to ruin your life with it. That’s what I would do,” Jared lied. He wouldn’t do anything with the stupid letter and he’s sure Connor won’t either. He’s probably just going to throw it out and get really high. This whole thing is going to die down anyway, so he’s not too pressed about calming him. He’s known Evan long enough to know that if he’s anxious he’s going to stay anxious. It won’t matter in the long run, they’ll both forget about this letter thing in a couple of days.

_Sincerely me_

_~~Sincerely Me~~ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully me skipping around with the timelines made sense, it does to me soo?


End file.
